Hello everybody.
I have been missing in action. It all started when my "boy friend" found out this blog, and kept reading it on the sly without telling me. I am afraid this blog is going to be full of questions about your opinions. I am sorry in advance.
Question #1) what do you think of the "boy friend" 's action? Should he not have came right out and told me that he came across my blog?
2nd, I think he has now joined the savings advice blog.
We have been together for 3 years. That's right 3 years. We got together when he was "separated" from his then wife and was going to "file" for divorce. Of course, naively I believed him
Fast forward almost 2 years - he still had to file for a divorce. Sure he had moved out and was living in a different city by now etc. But the actual act of filing for a divorce? None, Nada, Zip.
Reasons:
#1)Oh, they wanted to sell the house first. (The house was in both their names even though he says he paid for every single thing- car, house, furnitures everything )
#2) Oh, his mom got sick and needed operation and he didn't want to break the news to her in case she took it badly. Him and his wife had an "arranged marriage".
#3) Oh, the wife said the house was flooded and couldn't be put in the market before fixing it. (She was living in the house and he was living somewhere else)
#4) Oh, the house got flooded again.
#5) some other bs
#6) some other bs
#7)so on....
#8) and so on.....
He finally filed for a divorce. He ended up giving everything to her, the condition was to sell the house after the divorce and split any profit.
Fast forward to today, 2008
#1) She is still living in the house
#2) There is no sign of the house being sold and have this lingering baggage from his past ever laid to rest. How is anybody to think of a future with someone who hasn't been able to take care of the past? And not for lack of time, either. I have given him plenty of time. How is it going to be possible for us to buy a house, build a future in this situation?
Fast forward to today, I feel like I have had to put my life on hold for somebody else's mistakes. Since day one, it's never been him and me working towards our future. It's been me, him and his baggage that he never managed to take care of properly. Whenever I brought up his divorce, he would say things like "oh, I am gonna do it the best way so that it's good for everybody. If you can't handle it, you can leave". I gave him time , thinking well his divorce was actually none of my business. Well, guess what, it ended up being my business when it has put 3 years of my life on hold. Well...who did it benefit the most? His ex.
Well I am glad he's joined saving advice. I hope he learns something financial here so he doesn't make stupid financial mistakes again.
He says "you should be able to understand me and my situation". Right back at you. Who is going to understand me? and my wasted 3 years?
Sorry guys for this too personal vent. But I need your opinions. Good, bad or ugly. When the dust has settled, I will probably blog again, but under a different name.
Opinions needed - sorry personal
June 8th, 2008 at 05:37 pm
June 8th, 2008 at 06:06 pm 1212948378
June 8th, 2008 at 06:52 pm 1212951166
June 8th, 2008 at 06:52 pm 1212951178
Do you want to work things out? Do you love this man? Does he love you? Only you can answer these questions, and only you will know what sort of behaviors you can tolerate from a significant other.
Are there children involved in the situation? If there aren't, IMHO run the other way!
June 8th, 2008 at 07:11 pm 1212952269
June 8th, 2008 at 07:17 pm 1212952646
June 8th, 2008 at 08:28 pm 1212956891
June 8th, 2008 at 08:45 pm 1212957952
June 8th, 2008 at 09:55 pm 1212962129
June 9th, 2008 at 01:57 pm 1213019879
I can't tell you what to do, because I don't know what to do. I know the feeling of frusteration and anger, but at the same time loving the person. I hope things work our for you. Please keep blogging here, as it helps you and us. If you need to talk, please e-mail me at koppurautumnleaf@verizon.net
*hugs*
June 9th, 2008 at 04:46 pm 1213030003
June 9th, 2008 at 05:10 pm 1213031450
I hope your situation improves soon. The longer it takes, the more resentful you become. I really don't think there is a worse feeling than resentment.
June 9th, 2008 at 05:16 pm 1213031818
I agree I started to resent my ex and it is not a healthy situation
June 9th, 2008 at 08:29 pm 1213043361
June 11th, 2008 at 03:40 pm 1213198822
I should have done it sooner! LOTS sooner!!!!!!!!!!
Only you know when you've paid your dues and see that the situation is not in your best interests.
A relationship should be good for both parties.
When it's not? Ummmm...maybe it's time to move along to your brighter future with someone who actually cares about YOU.
May not be easy, but you must care and love YOU enough to do what is right for your life. He obviously isn't in it for YOU. You are wanting good things for him, but he likes his baggage.
I'd leave him sitting on the curb with it.
YMMV!
June 12th, 2008 at 12:37 am 1213231077
June 12th, 2008 at 12:45 am 1213231510
Anyways-1, I'm suprised he didnt tell you he came across the blog, but I can understand the feeling of wanting to be stealth and see the inner thinkings of your head.
2. You should not apologize for anything you wrote. Whatever you wrote, you were justified in it at the time, its all anyminous so its not hurting anyone.
3. I have no advice for the 'should you stay with him' situation. Thats all your call.
June 16th, 2008 at 10:56 pm 1213656974
1. He is divorced.
2. He is living in a different city.
Building on these two facts, I would ask my self few questions.
1. Is he trying to sell the house?
2. Is he involved in any way with his ex?
3. Is he still in love with me?
4. Do I love him?
5. Has he been reasonable?
You can either take an easy way out or long hard way in. It is very easy to just walk away. It needs understanding, compromises and logical thinking at some part. You can walk away from this relationship and get in to another but that does not guarantee that it will be an easy one either.
As for my case, I worked on mine. Gave some, got some. We tried to meet half way, most of the times but we did go more than half ways to make it work as well.
To sum it all up, I would ask those questions first, search for answers, put my self in other person's shoes and see what I come out with.
Good luck.
June 19th, 2008 at 10:16 am 1213870603
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johnson741
Well, I think that if you're in serious debt, you should get in touch with a company which provides expert debt advice on various solutions to become debt free, and which doesn't take any money for it, like a not for profit organization.
http://www.debtadvicetrust.org/debt/debt-advice.html